The Anime Laws of Physics

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The Anime Laws of Physics

Post by Pharan on 5/17/2008, 1:47 am

Haha! I found this on the net while surfing around tonight. Ton of laughs. I couldn't help but share. XD

THE ANIME LAWS OF PHYSICS

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity
    The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differentiated Gravitation
    Whenever someone or something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise
    is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First
Law of Anime Acoustics

    In space, loud sounds, like explosions, are even louder
    because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First
Law of Anime Motion

    In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second
Law of Anime Motion

    The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves.
    Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability
    Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero whenever
    he does something 'cool' or 'impressive'. Time slows down when friends
    and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality
    'Good Guys' and 'Bad Guys' both die in one of two ways
    - either so quick they don't even see it coming, OR it's a long drawn out
    affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society,
    human existence or why the toast always lands butter side down.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality
    It takes some time for bad guys to die... regardless
    of physical damage. Even when the 'Bad Guys' are killed so quickly they
    didn't even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead.
    This is attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe
    of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis
    Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted
    with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color
    (usually red or white).

#10 - Law of Dramatic Multiplicity
    Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a 'Good Guy'
    kicks the 'Bad Guy' in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3 different
    angles.

#11 - Law of Inherent Combustibility
    Everything explodes. Everything.
    First Corollary -


      Anything that explodes bulges first.
    Second Corollary -

      Large cities are the most explosive substances known
      to human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of
      these cities, sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".


#12 - Law of Phlogistatic Emission
    Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13 - Law of Energetic Emission
    There is always an energy build up (commonly referred
    to as an energy 'bulge') before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because
    of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related
    to the Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14 - Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude
    The destructive potential of any object/organism is inversely
    proportional to its mass.
    First Corollary -


      Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also
      known as the A-Ko phenomenon.


#15 - Law of Inexhaustibility
    No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of course
    unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16 - Law of Inverse Accuracy
    The accuracy of a 'Good Guy' when operating any form
    of fire-arm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy
    of the 'Bad Guys' when operating fire-arms decreases when the difficulty
    of the shot decreases. (Also known as the Storm trooper Effect) Example:
    A 'Good Guy' in a drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle
    will always hit, and several battalions of 'Bad Guys' firing on a 'Good
    Guy' standing alone in the middle of an open field will always miss.
    First Corollary -


      The more 'Bad Guys' there are, the less likely they will
      hit anyone or do any real damage.
    Second Corollary -

      Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable odds,
      the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all
      out with a single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
    Third Corollary -

      Whenever a 'Good Guy' is actually hit by enemy fire,
      it is in a designated 'Good Guy Area', usually a flesh wound in the shoulder
      or arm, which restricts the 'Good Guy' from doing anything more strenuous
      than driving, firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery,
      or doing complex martial arts maneuvers.


#17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
    Minmei is a bimbo.

#18 - Law of Hemoglobin Capacity
    The human body contains over 12 gallons of blood, sometimes
    more, under high pressure.

#19 - Law of Demonic Consistency
    Demons and other supernatural creatures have at least
    three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black
    is not unknown, and can only be hurt bladed weapons.

#20 - Law of Militaristic Unreliability
    Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and large war
    machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped
    and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion
    or a song.
    First Corollary -

    (from Adam Barnes)


      Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.)
      goes up against an entire army, the army always loses.


#21 - Law of Tactical Unreliability
    Tactical geniuses aren't....

#22 - Law of Inconsequential Undetectability
    People never notice the little things... like missing
    body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23 - Law of Juvenile Intellectuality
    Children are smarter than adults. And almost always twice
    as annoying.

#24 - Law of Americanthropomorphism
    Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles, either
    as a really nasty skinny 'Bad Guy' or a big stupid 'Good Guy'.
    First Corollary -


      The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb
      Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green
      Line Effect)
    Second Corollary -

      The only people who are more stupid than the American
      translators are the American editors and censors.


#25 - Law of Mandibular Proportionality

(from A. Hicks, Tom Williams, and Ben Leinweber)
    The size of a person's mouth is directly proportional
    to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26 - Law of Feline Mutation

(from A. Hicks)
    Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
    1) be female

    2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic
    mutation

    3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any

#27 - Law of Conservation of Firepower

(from Tom Williams)
    Any powerful weapon capable of destroying/defeating an
    opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and used only as
    a last resort.

#28 - Law of Technological User-Benevolence

(from Tom Williams)
    The formal training required to operate a spaceship or
    mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29 - Law of Melee Luminescence

(from Tom Williams)
    Any being displaying extremely high levels of martial
    arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing
    aura. This aura is usually blue for 'good guys' and red for 'bad guys'.
    This is attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum
    than Evil.

#30 - Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism

(from Tom Williams)
    All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are hostile, and usually
    hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31 - Law of Follicular Chromatic
Variability


(from Spellweaver)
    Any color in the visible spectrum is considered a natural
    hair color. This color can change without warning or explanation.

#32 - Law of Follicular Permanence
    Hair in anime is pretty much indestructable, and can
    resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical
    abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt
    someone's hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#33 - Law of Topological Aerodynamics,
First Law of Anime Aero-Dynamics

    *ANY* shape, no matter how convoluted or odd-looking,
    is automatically aerodynamic.

#34 - Law of Probable Attire

(from various sources)
    Clothing in anime follows certain predictable guidelines.
    Female characters wear as little clothing as possible,
    regardless of whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any
    female with an excessive amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes
    ripped to shreds or torn off somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear
    off the afore-mentioned female's clothes, then she will inexplicably take
    a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the Gratuitous Shower Scene).
    Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably
    wear a long cloaks that don't hamper movement and billow out dramatically
    behind them.
    First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability) -


      All anime characters are resistant to extremely cold
      temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
    Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability) -
    (from Nyctomania)


      Bikinis render the wearer invulnerable to any form of
      damage.


#35 - Law of Musical Omnipotence
    Any character capable of musical talent (singing, playing
    an instrument, etc.) is automatically capable of doing much more "simple"
    things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic
    war, and so on...especially if they have never attempted these things before.

#36 - Law of Quintupular Agglutination

(from Daniel Mikula)
    Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good Guys" group
    together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic positions,
    which are:


      1) The Hero/Leader

      2) His Girlfriend

      3) His Best Friend/Rival

      4) A Hulking Brute

      5) A Dwarf/Kid

    Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes,
    which include:


      1) Extreme Coolness

      2) Amazing Intelligence

      3) Incredible Irritation


#37 - Law of Extradimensional Capacitance

(from Jason Bustard)
    All anime females have an extradimensional storage space
    of variable volume somewhere on their person from which they can instantly
    retrieve any object at a moment's notice.
    First Corollary (a.k.a. The Hammer Rule) -

    (from Ferdinand Pelayo)


      The most common item stored is a heavy mallet, which
      can be used with unerring accuracy on any male who deserves it. Other common
      items include costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.


#38 - Law of Hydrostatic Emission
    Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is because
    they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released
    at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained
    in the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs
    are actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect
    in the eyes is because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland,
    which is located at the back of the head. When extremely stressed, embarrassed,
    or worried, this sweat gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous
    fluid.

#39 - Law of Inverse Attraction
    Success at finding suitable mates is inversely proportionate
    to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the less
    you get, and vice versa.
    First Corollary -


      Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the
      real world...


#40 - Law of Nasal Sanguination

(from Ryan Pritchard and Jason Aylen)
    When sexually aroused, males in Anime don't get erections,
    they get nosebleeds. No one's sure why this is, though... the current theory
    suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue
    (see Law #38 above). Females don't get nosebleeds, but invariably get one
    heck of a blush along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot
    of bloodflow to that region.

#41 - Law of Xylolaceration

(from Lyndon Harris)
    Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal swords,
    if not sharper.

#42 - Law of Juvenile Omnipotence

(from Erin Alia)
    Always send a boy to do a man's job. He'll get it done
    in half the time and twice the angst.

#43 - Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia
    There is no Law #43.

#44 - Law of Nominative Clamovocation

(from Luiko-Ysabeth and Adrian Hsiah)
    The likelihood of success and damage done by a martial
    arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name
    of the attack is announced.

#45 - Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis

(from R. A. Hubby)
    Regardless of how long or involved the transformation
    sequence or how many times they've seen it before, any 'Bad Guys' witnessing
    a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to interrupt
    it.

#46 - Law of Flimsy Incognition

(from Conrad Knauer)
    Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy mask
    can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.


Copyright by Ryan Shellito and Darrin Bright, who have graciously granted permission to copy, distribute, edit,
and add your own laws, so long as you leave all the credits intact
.

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sorry for the long post...
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Pharan
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